5 Truths No One Tells You about being a New Mom

Being a mom is hard. But you probably already expected to hear that. What you might not be prepared for is the real, raw truth of the daily grind in the days, weeks and months immediately after birth.  So in the interest of full transparency, here's a few things you need to know:

1. You will sweat.

You may currently be a subtle sweater or you may sweat like a pig, but let me tell you, NOTHING will compare to those first few weeks (and if I'm being really honest, I'm currently 6+ months post-partum and am still having those hot flashes) where you will feel like you're living in an inferno. I seem to recall waking up in the middle of the night to tend to the newborn and my clothes being so saturated with sweat that I was convinced hubby must have sprayed me down with the garden hose or maybe I had taken up sleep-showering.

2. You will stink.

Closely linked to point #1. Holy jumping. I've never really been one to experience body odor, even after the most vigorous hot yoga class, but wow. Just wow. Maybe it’s because motherhood equips you with a heightened sense of smell, alongside a double dose of stank? Imagine a 300 pound linebacker who's been eating curries for months on end just crawled up in your underarms for a few weeks. You didn’t think all those hormones just evaporated when you gave birth did you? Fun times.

3. You will not shower.

Are you sensing a theme here? Listen, you're trying to keep a precious little child alive, so your own personal hygiene often goes out the window. Thank God for baby wipes, am I right? You'll want to use those bad boys on the pits, tits and lower bits. Yes underboob sweat is happening and it's real. Even if you're able to carve out some time to jump in the shower, those phantom cries (...is baby awake, are they crying? I think I hear crying...) will only allow enough time to hit up the hot spots. But hey, shampooing once a week is good for your hair, right?

4. You will not change out of your pyjamas.

Invest in some comfy sleepwear, or better yet, steal some from your baby's daddy. You may find you will just stay in these oversized pants and loose fitting tops all day, sometimes until the next day (and day after that). Ok, so you'll change every 3 days, you're not leaving the house anyway so what difference does it really make?

5. You will find hair, everywhere. 

Perhaps someone has tipped you off on this one already: post-partum hair loss. If you’re like me (yes, both times) you might be a few months out and think, sweet, I’ve dodged the balding bullet. Think again. No mom is safe. You will shed worse than a German shepherd, and you can expect to find those limp, lifeless strands just about everywhere. Sure, the shower drain will clog and you’ll think you’re done for the day, but no, sadly, you’re not. I’ve found clumps on throw pillows, inside of diapers, and even in the fridge plastered on the ketchup bottle.

And while we're on the subject, here’s a hot tip - be sure to brush your hair before that weekly shampooing shower or your hair loss will turn your head into a big dread-lock rats nest that’s near impossible to comb out. Trust me on this one and don’t wait until you head to the hair salon for the first time in months and suffer the embarrassment I did. I’ll never forget the look of horror on the stylist’s face, gasping as she desperately tried to section off portions of what little hair I had left and salvage what she could from the matted mop upon my head. 

Fortunately, after losing all modesty during the birthing experience, you’ll be pretty well equipped for those tough early days. Your personal hygiene will eventually make its way up the priority list.  In the meantime, check your vanity at the door (and avoid looking into mirrors) and you’ll be just fine.