Are you a Mommy Ninja?

We all know moms are the real life superheroes with wide-ranging superpowers. But if you really think about it we're actually more like Mommy Ninjas.

Ninjas pride themselves on not being seen or heard. Who blends into the background more than a mom? Once the pregnancy is over the spotlight shifts and you’re chopped liver. It’s all about the kiddos, you more or less fade into the furniture, pretty much ceasing to exist in the eyes of everyone else.

But for many of us the similarities don't end there, you too might be a Mommy Ninja if do any of the following:

Wear all black

Your concealment prowess is further intensified by the all black Mommy Ninja uniform. Unless you are a real life unicorn, chances are your post-partum body didn't snap back in...well, a snap, so stretchy all black yoga-everything is your wardrobe staple. Every Mommy Ninja is a master multi-tasker and naturally, so too is her attire. Hence why leggings are key apparel - they are so versatile! Add a tunic and glam them up, throw on a hoodie to go get groceries, strip down to a tank and lululemons, hiya - pyjama ready. Talk about functional. Plus, black disguises more than just that little excess tonnage, since you've become a human napkin for your little(s), it does double duty camouflaging stains. 

Come Armed With An Arsenal

Move over Batman. Mommy's packing. As a Mommy Ninja you know you're not heading out of the house without being prepared. You may not be throwing Ninja stars but whatever threat comes your way, it's disarmed with your mommy weaponry savvy. Diaper bag fully stocked with wipes, dipes, four different 'spare' outfits to accommodate rapid changes in weather (because you never know when you'll need a pair of shorts on hand in the dead of winter) snacks, toys, thermometer, a glitter craft, blankets, hand sanitizer, q-tips, tweezers, the list goes on. No matter the mission you've got all the apparatus necessary to cover your bases. Your backup rattle has a backup rattle. Long wait at the doctor's office? Crisis averted. You kill time by busting out that mini colouring book and crayon set you've saved for this exact foreseen circumstance. Using that inner Mommy Ninja instinct to anticipate needs before they arise just comes with the territory.  

Experience Heightened Senses

Namely smell and hearing. Mommy Ninjas have the innate ability to hear the kids stirring before they are even awake. An 'off' breathing rhythm, a toss or turn, it's a unique combination of laser focus meets sonic hearing. You don't really sleep, you moreso lay in a meditative state on pins and needles awaiting your subject’s next move, with one eye open and ears on high alert for danger. This is why the expression 'eyes in the back of her head' exists. Mommy Ninjas are all knowing. Not to mention that keen sense of smell. Perhaps the daddies are playing dumb but they seem to lack that killer ninja ability to sniff out a poop the moment it arrives.

Practice Stealth Mode

You can change a diaper any place, anywhere, at anytime. It could be on a flight to Cuba at a cruising altitude of 10,000 feet in the world's smallest plane bathroom imaginable dealing with a massive-blowout-full-outfit-change-situation (yes, this actually happened). Still, you keep your calm and composed ninja warrior zen and accomplish the objective. Even after a repeat poop-attack upon landing where you have to perform a secondary outfit change on the chairs in the arrival waiting area as fellow passengers collect their luggage (yes, that actually happened too). Oh, and no one rolls up a disposable diaper better - meticulously and expertly wrapping all wipes and bodily fluids tight like a burrito.

Ever dismantle dynamite?....um, I mean, put a fussy baby to sleep? It takes swift, sharp movements to place a temperamental baby down and sneak out of the room. This may include crawling on all fours and slyly pressing your back up against the wall to avoid direct eye contact. Mommy Ninjas know precisely which floorboards will creak and can hop scotch down the stairs and tiptoe around the house to avoid making a peep. Other skills include loading/unloading a dishwasher plate by plate without a single clang.

Mommy Ninjas also demonstrate superior balancing abilities. Think scaling buildings, only more labour-intensive. Armed with the agility to unpack a carload of groceries in a single trip, diaper bag, baby in carseat, and toddler all in tow. There's a reason you don't see images of men balancing water jugs on their head very often, if being a Mommy Ninja was easy, dads would do it.

Possess the Warrior Spirit

Perhaps the most important attribute of the Mommy Ninja: relentlessness. Unrivaled determination. Mommy Ninjas live by one mantra - just keep going. You may wake up in the morning unsure how you will get it all done, but you Kung Fu your way through your day. Oh, and obviously, if someone messes with our children they risk death. (Kidding!  ...not kidding).

Are you a Mommy Ninja? If you've nodded along, chances are you walk the way of the ninja warrior. Our path is one of legends.